I Can’t Explain You (Oh Messenger of God)

by Aaron Haroon Sellars

I could not write about you
For fear
Fear of your presence
And fear of
My hearts’ brittleness
That I might die
In this pursuit
Yet wishing to die
In this state of intoxicated love
This is the conflict within me
Language cannot explain
Except the language
Of tears and laughter
Even the molecules
Of my body
Shake and tremble
With awe and excitement!

I just can’t explain!
Oh Messenger of God!
I can’t explain you!

Sometimes I forget
To say “Prophet” before your name
Not from heedlessness
But from desirous haste
To just say your name!
Muhammad, Muhammad, Muhammad!

I just can’t explain!
Oh Messenger of God!
I can’t explain you!

Oh the mystery of how
You have captured my heart
As a Christian
I loved the Prophets
Before you
But with you
I get them all!
I can love
Abraham, Moses and Jesus
Just by loving you!
Without this love
Your nation falls
With it
They are purified and irresistible!
Let those who
Possess this love
Not be stingy
Take it to the marketplace!
The workplace
And especially the home

It’s hard to explain!
Oh Messenger of God!
I can’t explain you!

Seeing the land of your life
Causes some to live
And seeing your grave
Causes some to die
Nothing is more difficult
Than you

In my youth
I have written easily
My love for many
But when I encountered you
The translator of my heart
Fell mute
Lost in inexplicable wonder!

That is hard to explain!
Oh Messenger of God!
I can’t explain you!

You sacrificed for me
Before I was even born
How should I thank you
As I now walk upon the earth?
My heart holds your love
My tongue sends you blessings
But it is my limbs
That often fall short
All this controversy about you
A proof of the veil
On the hearts of your enemies
And a proof against those
Who only follow you with words
But don’t turn your face from me
As I reach for a drink
From your soft hands

Because it’s hard to explain!
Oh Messenger of God!
I can’t explain you!

I heard one of my teachers say that upon the poet is to write about the Messenger of God, may His peace and blessings be upon him. As a person who often writes things in a form that some call poetry, I have been haunted by the weight of this statement since hearing it!

I converted to the way of life called “Islam” because of an overwhelming sense of the divine origin and authority of the Quran and after a mere glimpse at the life of the Prophet Muhammad, may His peace and blessings be upon him.

So the feeling of love and debt is immense - yet every time I have tried to write something about him… I get stuck! I just sit there frozen with my pen hovering over a piece of paper that ultimately is left blank!

Then, one of my closest companions sent me a link to a YouTube video about the “Mahabbah Awards” which is a unique awards program done in the spirit of love for God and His Messenger.

Unexpectedly, this short and simple video clip opened a flash-flood of emotions and tears within me that I could not control or contain! I jumped up from my chair to try and regain my composure but felt a rumble inside like someone was boiling water in my chest! My knees started to buckle so I sat back down and felt a pressure in my head and heat in my heart that I knew from experience would lead to words!

“Finally!” I said to myself, I have a chance to say something about this amazing Messenger! I quickly grabbed my pen and an orange Post-it notes pad and started to scribble as fast as I could, the English translation of this stream of consciousness and love.
May the Giver of Gifts gift us with loving His beloved more than our own selves.

From the book, Ash-Shifa’ of Qadi ‘Iyad…
Anas said that a man came to the Prophet and asked, “When will the Last Hour come, Messenger of God?” He said, “What have you prepared for it?” He said, “I have not prepared a lot of prayer or fasting or charity for it, but I love God and His Messenger.” The Prophet said, “You will be with the one you love.” (al-Bukhari)

It is related that a woman said to A’isha (may Allah be pleased with her), “Show me the grave of the Messenger of God.” She showed it to her and the woman wept until she died